


Inconvenience

by embarrassing old stuff from LJ pre-2015 (prevaricator)



Series: Lawson Island AU [1]
Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-19
Updated: 2009-06-19
Packaged: 2018-10-15 19:53:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prevaricator/pseuds/embarrassing%20old%20stuff%20from%20LJ%20pre-2015
Summary: NEWS work at the LAWSON on the island in their commercials





	

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from LJ

From the [JE AU COMMENT FICATHON OF DOOM](http://community.livejournal.com/appleclementine/6611.html)

 **Inconvenience**  
PG, Gen (hinted pre-KoyaShige), 822 words  
Warning: Crack  
Summary: NEWS work at the LAWSON on the island in their commercials

A/N: Originally [here](http://community.livejournal.com/appleclementine/6611.html?thread=269267#t269267)

“No, really, I think I can get the raft to work this time. We just need to—“

“No, really, we heard you the last fifty times you said that, Shige. Get back to work!” Ryo snapped.

“Why am I the only one who finds it odd that we’re working at a Lawson on a DESERT ISLAND?” Shige yelled in frustration. “The only people who ever eat anything from this store are us and the monkeys! And the monkeys never even PAY!”

Ryo rolled his eyes. “You’re just upset because you suck at your job. Get over yourself.”

“Ryo-chan, don’t be mean!” Koyama made sad eyes. “It’s okay, Shige. We all love you anyway, even if you can’t stock a shelf to save your life!”

“Why do I even need to stock the shelves? Where does the stuff in the storeroom come from? If the back storeroom can restock itself, why can’t it just go straight to the shelves instead?”

“Silly Shige! There’s too much stuff in the storeroom to all fit on the shelves at once,” Tegoshi said from behind the cash register.

Shige was entirely certain that there was a fallacy in that statement. A large, blaring fallacy. He opened his mouth to argue, but Ryo and Koyama sent him withering looks, so he closed it again and went back to stocking the alcohol.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Yamapi asked, coming out of the manager’s office. He blinked like someone entering a brightly lit room from the dark.

“Shige’s just being grumpy again,” Tegoshi said.

“What do you even do as ‘manager’?” Shige asked plaintively.

“Um. Budgeting and. Stuff,” Yamapi said vaguely.

“ _What_ budgeting?” Shige pestered.

“Yamapi, you liar. All you do back there is sleep, I’ve seen you!” Ryo pointed out.

“Shige, stop complaining before I give you the night shift,” Yamapi said.

“We have a night shift?” Massu yelled from the restroom.

“We will if I make Shige do it!” Yamapi yelled back. “Have you fixed the toilet yet?”

“Just did!” Massu said. He walked out of the restroom drying his hands. “Shige! Come to lunch with me?”

“Okay,” Shige said, thinking a break from his (completely unnecessary) job sounded nice. They grabbed some karaage and went outside to eat it.

Koyama aimed a disapproving look at their backs. “They need to eat more vegetables! We have plenty in the produce section!”

“But we don’t really have a good way to cook them, do we?” Tegoshi said, looking thoughtful. “We need a stove or something.”

“Why is Shige so upset, anyway?” Yamapi asked, leaning against the counter.

“He probably just needs to get laid!” Ryo from where he was sweeping the same bit of floor he’d been sweeping all day.

Koyama blushed. “Ryo-chan, don’t be so crude!”

“Ooh, Kei-chan’s blushing!” Tegoshi said.

“That’s because he wants to be the one doing the laying!” Ryo said.

“I do not!” Koyama yelled, turning even redder.

“Then why are you blushing so much?”

 

 

When Shige returned from lunch and went back to his (completely unnecessary) job, he found a stove in the storeroom.

“Hey, we have a stove!” Shige yelled. “Where should I put it?”

“I think there’s room behind the counter,” Koyama yelled back.

Yamapi went to help Shige pull the stove out of the storeroom. They plugged it into the wall behind the counter.

“I think we need some pots and pans for it, now,” Ryo observed.

“Hmm,” Tegoshi said.

Two hours later, Shige found pots and pans in the storeroom.

 

 

They enjoyed cooked vegetables with their karaage that night for the first time since arriving on the island. They carried the food down to their campfire to eat. For a long while, the only sounds were declarations of how delicious the vegetables were (coming from everyone but Yamapi, who felt the veggies were entirely unnecessary).

“I’m getting kind of sick of karaage,” Massu said. “I really want some nikuman. Wouldn’t it be cool if we had one of those nikuman cases?”

“That does sound cool!” Tegoshi said.

Everyone else agreed.

 

 

Later that night, Shige couldn’t sleep. He got up from where he and Koyama were huddled together on the floor in aisle three, trying to share two completely inadequate lap blankets (they decided to share because two lap blankets combined were almost enough to cover them from shoulder to toe, but matter how much Shige wished aloud for a few more so they could sleep separately, the storeroom would not provide more for him. Tegoshi told him to do it properly by racking up points. Shige now had about 300 points, but all he had to show for it was an increased waistline).

Eventually, Shige got up and grabbed a beer and karaage (they were cheaper as a set—not that it mattered, as he’d run out of money ages ago), and sat outside the store eating them.

“Why?” He asked the vast, starry sky.

He received no answer. 

[Next part here.](http://community.livejournal.com/oyakodon/4038.html)

 

 

 **How Ohkura Didn't Arrest Ryo**  
PG-13, Crack, Ryo/Ohkura, 1641 words  
Summary: Ryo fails at robbing a bank.  
Warnings: Crack, stupidity, HORSE SEX (as in, horses having sex)

A/N: Not sure if I really want to fess up to writing this, but here goes. For the record, I'm really not sure how horse sex got in here. I was exhausted from traveling all day, I blame that. Also, I'm really out of touch with Kanjani8, so. Apologies if they're ooc? Originally [here](http://community.livejournal.com/appleclementine/6611.html?thread=179923#t179923)

It was a dusty Tuesday afternoon when Ryo rode into town. He didn’t bother getting a room at the inn—he saw his own face plastered around the town on wanted posters, for a hefty sum.

He decided to go straight to the bank—they’re so much more fun to rob during business hours, and it was getting close to closing time.

He tied his bandanna around the lower half of his face, and made sure his gun was loaded.

The big building labeled “BANK OF KANSAI” looked promising, so Ryo rode up to it and dismounted. He left his mare, Leah, untied. It was easier to escape quickly that way, and he could trust Leah not to run off. She was a good, faithful mare.

He slammed the door open, pointed his gun, and shouted, “Everyone put your hands in the—“

And then the world went black.

 

 

Ryo awoke to a pounding headache, and a voice saying, “You didn’t need to hit him quite that hard, did you? You could’ve given him a concussion!”

“He was holding a gun! He could’ve killed someone!” A voice replied.

Ryo opened his eyes. Three short men in identical clothing were making sad eyes at three taller, well-muscled men, also in identical clothing. He closed his eyes again and groaned. “I think you gave me a concussion, you bastard!”

“Oh, you’re awake!” the first voice said, switching from sad to cheery. “Can you open your eyes for me?”

Ryo obeyed, but only because the voice was coming closer to him, and he wanted to be able to defend himself if he had to.

He immediately decided that the only way to defend himself was to close them again. Clothing that bright should be illegal, he decided. He also suspected that the man was wearing a skirt, but he decided that he must just have been really, really concussed.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” The man asked cheerfully.

Ryo peeked his eyes open to check. “Nine,” he declared, then closed his eyes again and went back to sleep. He figured he was screwed, anyway.

 

 

The next time he came to, there was a new voice in the room. It was deep, and sounded annoyed.

“You dragged me away from my dinner to arrest an unconscious man with a concussion?” It asked.

“You can’t arrest him, Tacchon! He’s my patient!” The short man declared. ( _You should arrest him for breaking the laws of fashion_ , Ryo thought.)

“He tried to rob my bank!” Muscle Man whined.

“But he didn’t succeed! It’s not a crime unless he actually did it!” The short man (whom Ryo deduced was a doctor) said.

“Yeah,” the deep voice agreed.

“Actually—“

“Yeah,” Ryo agreed. His voice came out a bit raspy. “Could I get some water?”

“Oh, you’re awake again! Tacchon, go get him some water!”

The deep voice started grumbling, but obeyed.

Ryo opened his eyes again, and immediately regretted it. Again.

But before he could close them, a tall, very attractive man walked into the room, carrying a glass of water. He was wearing a sheriff’s badge.

Ryo got a nosebleed. The doctor immediately turned into a flurry of panic, checking Ryo’s vital signs and worrying that there was something worse than a concussion. Muscle Man handed Ryo a tissue. Ryo took it and held it to his nose. Hot Guy stood to the side and absently took a sip from the glass of water he was holding.

Then Hot Guy seemed to remember why he’d gotten the water, and brought it over to Ryo. Ryo took an awkward sip from it while trying to keep the tissue against his nose.

The doctor, watching the whole thing, said, “Oooh! Indirect kiss!”

Ryo snorted. The water went up the back of his nose and out his nostril, cleaning out a lot of the blood in a very painful manner. The hand holding the tissue got soaked.

Doctor looked worried. Hot Sheriff fell over laughing.

Muscle Man ran over with more tissues and started wiping Ryo’s face.

“I can do that myself!” Ryo snapped.

“Oh really?” Muscle Man asked. “Then I guess you’re healthy enough to be arrested, aren’t you? Tacchon!”

Hot Sheriff looked up from his crouch on the floor, still grinning. “What?”

“Arrest this guy already!”

“But he’s injured!”

“No! I’m perfectly healthy! You can arrest me any time, Sheriff!” Ryo declared.

The Sheriff looked confused.

“But you didn’t _do_ anything!”

“Yeah, I did! Attempted robbery is a crime!”

The doctor looked distressed at the direction the conversation had taken. “Oh! I guess we should introduce ourselves! I’m Yasuda Shota, the town doctor. You can call me Shota! And that’s Murakami, he owns the Bank of Kansai, which he says you tried to rob. You weren’t really going to rob it, were you? You must’ve brought your gun out by mistake. Oh, and the sheriff is Ohkura Tadayoshi, some of us call him Tacchon. Are you feeling better? Do you need anything? You’ve got a concussion, so you’ll need to rest up for a while. Oh, and your horse—”

“Do you always talk this much?” Ryo’s head was starting to hurt again just listening to the man.

“Yes, he does,” Ohkura answered.

“I think it has something to do with the clothes,” Murakami agreed.

 

 

The next day, Ryo was up and about. Yasuda (he just couldn’t convince himself to call the man Shota) was worried that he might still be injured, but Ryo suspected that much of his lingering headache was from the smaller man’s constant yattering. (Ryo was, however, very happy to find that he was not the shortest man in the world.)

He left Yasuda’s house and stood on the street, pondering. He had decided on a change of plans. His goal now was to get arrested by Ohkura, and spend the rest of his life in the cell in the sheriff’s office. It was the Best Plan Ever.

He glanced at his surroundings, and spotted Ohkura standing down the street from him, eating from a box of donuts. Ryo walked over and greeted him, standing right next to a wanted poster with his own handsome face on it. He nodded his head toward it a little, and waggled his eyebrows.

Ohkura glanced at it, then at Ryo, then went back to eating his donuts. He offered Ryo one. Ryo took it, and stood next to Ohkura, thinking. Ohkura was maybe a bit dumb. This could take a few days. He needed somewhere to stay.

“Is there an inn around here?”

Ohkura nodded and said, “Mphgglrrrr.”

“What?” Ryo said.

Ohkura swallowed and tried again. “Over there. Right across from the bank.”

He pointed.

Then a girl with a lot of exposed cleavage walked up and asked for one of Ohkura’s donuts, giggling. He handed her one, staring at her breasts the entire time. Ryo had planned to ask Ohkura to show him the way, he wasn’t sure if he could find it! (Though the bank sign was in plain view), but Ohkura was staring after the woman with a glazed look on his face.

Ryo was halfway to the inn when he realized that most of his money was in his saddlebag. He only had enough money in his pocket for about a night at the inn and dinner.

He walked to the bank and looked around, but Leah wasn’t there. _She probably got hungry_ , he thought. _Shit_.

Just then, Leah came running into the street in front of him.

“Leah!” Ryo shouted, filled with joy that his beautiful mare was still so faithful. She stopped in front of him.

Then a handsome stallion came running up behind her, and climbed on top of her in a way that could only mean one thing.

“’At a boy, Bun! Go get ‘er!” A voice next to him shouted. Ryo turned to find the source of the voice—a man about as short as Yasuda, dressed like a pimp.

“Hey! That’s my Leah!” Ryo shouted angrily.

“Looks like she’s my Leah now,” the short man sneered. “Bun’s taken a liking to ‘er!”

Ryo threw the first punch, in clear view of lots of civilians. The ensuing fistfight was interrupted by Ohkura shouting, “Subaru, do you want a donut? Yasu told me to share!”

“Ooh, donut!” Subaru said, and ran off to eat one. The two stood there watching the horses. Ryo was decidedly creeped out, and still very much not arrested. How frustrating.

He waited until the horses were done, then gingerly retrieved his saddlebag, muttering “traitor” under his breath as he did so.

He got a room at the inn, and some dinner.

The next day, he decided he’d have to resort to petty theft to get arrested. He stole a woman’s purse on the street, hoping she’d start a fuss. She didn’t even notice, and kept walking. Ryo stood in the street with the purse, dumbfounded.

Ohkura walked up and said, “Oh, how nice! Ryo found your purse, Miss Mary, you must have dropped it again!”

Miss Mary was very grateful, and even invited Ryo to dinner. Ryo sighed in frustration.

“You know, if you want to get in Tacchon’s pants, you should just say so,” Subaru piped up from beside Ohkura, leering.

Ryo gaped. His jaw worked up and down like he was trying to say something, but he couldn’t figure out what to say.

“What? He wants in my pants?” Ohkura asked Subaru, looking perplexed.

“You mean you can’t tell? He keeps leering at you!” Subaru said. He leered, as if to demonstrate.

Ohkura turned to Ryo with a (very attractive) smirk. “So, a little bird just told me you want in my pants.”

“Um. Yeah.” Ryo said.

“Well, you’ll have to let me into your pants first.” Ohkura leered.

“Um. That. Sounds good. Yeah.” Ryo stammered out. 


End file.
